The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

(thanx to Sherif Abou El Gadayel)

The Ultimate List of Pick-Up Lines to use on Engineering Chicks

1. I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
2. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
3. Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time.
    approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.
4. My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
5. Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
6. Wanna come back to my room? ...and see my 166mhz Pentium?
7. How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
8. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
9. You're sweeter than glucose.
10. We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
11. Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me?
12. Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
13. Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
14. Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com ?
15. You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

(thanx to Antonio.)

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:

• A "Don't remind me again" button
  
• Minimize button
  
• An install shield feature that allow Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources
  
• An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to be mush more useful

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend 2.0. even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install GirlFriend 2.0 on top of GirlFriend 1.0. You must uninstall GirlFriend 1.0 first. other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of GirlFriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for GirlFriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that sucks -- all versions of GirlFriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

BUG WARNING

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

BUG WORK-AROUNDS

To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that my affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

(thanx to Sherif Gamal.)

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